A GRAND day in Seattle for Christmas!

so what 13 year old would do this?

I am so lucky to have such a laid back teenage boy! We went to get our yearly Santa picture last week... As I was paying for the session, and Cameron was getting his photo taken, the lady asked how on earth could I get him to come in and sit for a Santa picture?? He is THIRTEEN after all! I just explained... "it is what we do". We have every year since the kids were little--he was only 9 months old for his first one and we get one every single year!

~~~Thru the Years~~~

Back from a great Thanksgiving Weekend at Coos Bay

Good friends

yummy food,

nasty weather and warm heaters..

what more could we ask for?

lol~ well, okay, some SUN--which we got the last two days!

Oh, and here our our camp dawgs....

Zuki: {he is staying off the wet}

Molly Girl:

Logan and Hogie:

{ Hogie actually goes to our friends Dane and Sarah, but he will take lovin's from anyone willing to give! (: }

Raising teenagers is like being pecked to death by chickens...

Alright--so I know that's a little crabbily said...but right now I am up to my ears with teen challenges!

Cameron is doing ok.. he is only newly a teenager so hasn't fully perfected all his Mean Teen Skillz yet..It's coming I am sure. But for now, I will take the occasional snugglebear moments I still get from him...

But Cayla.. wowie. She got her hearts biggest desire, which was to move out, change her last name to Bonville and go live with her mom. We have finally put up our hands in frustration and let her go... warily. The household has been a total hurricane with her here lately. Lots of the drama, hysterics and stress, and what her counselor aptly calls "The Senior Monster". Would you believe that the counselor also told Nathan he does this 4 and 5 times a month with these kids? When they have The Other Parent (the same parent that has been absent for MOST of their lives) that they feel they can "run" to, they do so during their senior year. In a selfish way, that statement made me feel a little better.. that our family is not the only one going thru this nightmare.

I am trying to keep myself open to her.. I text her periodically just to check in with her.. no responses expected. But at least she knows that we are still thinking of her I guess.

In the mean time.. I am eyeing her bedroom which has such a great big window looking out into the front yard.... hmmm.. my desk and crafty stuff and a little library would all go so nicely in there... ;)

well...

It's been a few months since my Momma passed away.... but my heart still hurts, I am going to try writing to get some of that pain out...





Mom developed breast cancer 7 years ago in May, and fought a tough tough battle with chemo, surgery, radiation and more chemo. They found cancer in too many lymph areas, but she stayed in remission up until last April... (or so) ... Last spring she started having some tummy problems..went to the doctor and they found her cancer had come back in her liver. And man was it aggressive. My parents didn't tell me right away--timing you know--first my birthday is in April, then there's Mother's Day (that's when we found out the first go round), then my family was going on vacation.. whatever, she told me when she felt strong enough to, when do you tell your kid you are going to die? There is no good timing for that. My parents told me the Tuesday after Memorial Day.... Numbness, then shattered inside, that's how I felt. My mom has been my best friend for a long time, someone I could talk to 'bout most anything~and craziness~she still loved me no matter how much I whined! Mom's are good for that, aren't they? I spent every weekend with her and my dad for the next few months, it was a spring that passed by much to quickly. I am thankful for the time we had together, cramming as much as we could into minutes. At first, as her time was drawing nearer, she tried to tell me that I shouldn't be there, my dad wouldn't let her, and kept explaining to her that we both needed to be there, not just him. For ourselves as much as each other. I had some extremely spiritual moments in the last few days.... One night, I couldn't sleep, had gotten into a little bit of a disagreement with my Poppa, and couldn't quit crying... it was very windy that evening too, and that kept me awake as well. I believe my mom's hold on this world at that time was pretty tenuous, that she probably had the freedom to do as her soul pleased. Gradually, as the wind was moving around the house, and thru the open windows, I had a feeling of peace come over me, and my mom's presence touching my heart.. and "not words" in my head, telling me that "everything was okay, there's no more pain, I am free free free, and I can move like a swallow". Mom loved the swallows, and there are nest boxes all over the yard for them.
Another time, she was sleeping on her bed, and I was holding her hand and a feeling of standing on the edge of something so vast and unbelievably big and all encompassing.. "it's bigger than you can know" .. came over me.. I swear it was like I was standing on the edge of a huge cliff or void. I truly believe that was mom telling me that she was going to be okay, and that she was okay with where she was headed, that it is an amazing place filled with love and peace. She also let us know that her dad and mom, my dad, her nephew Steve were all there waiting for her, so was completely unafraid of passing. She told me what she didn't like was the whole physical aspect of dying--the body failing, losing control of her mind, (which is why she didn't want me home when she reached that point)... I have to tell you though, my momma--full of beauty and love--died as gracefully as she lived. I sat with her until midnight, by 1:30 she was gone. I know this because I told her I had to lie down, else I was gonna fall over on her, sitting up falling asleep as I was... So I curled up in my sleeping bag at the foot of her bed--poppa was on the floor near the head of her bed-- I felt her leave, and not a minute later did Lizzie (their dog) come into the room and stuff her wet doggie nose in my face, and then poppa's. Then Lizzie turned and walked back out. I got up, checked mom and found her gone. So, I made sure poppa woke up fully also.. The moon was big and bright, and a zillion stars lit the sky on that early morning that we said goodbye. That was July 10th, 2009.

We had a Celebration of her life in September...it was bittersweetly sad... Getting to visit with people I hadn't seen in a looong time was really nice. Pam (Poppa's sis) took some really great pictures, which I will put up soon....

Momma, I know we will see each other again, but I miss you here and now terribly. I know also, that with time, the sharp pain goes away... ? I was listening to a song by Death Cab for Cutie.."What Sarah Said", some of the words went like this... "love is watching someone die..who is gonna watch you die?" ~ and how true is that right? ... you wouldn't otherwise choose to sit and watch death... love you mom.

**as promised some time ago, here are some pictures from Mom's Celebration**

We just keep adding to the family!

We have a few new peeps..oh alright, 7 new peeps. Two silkie bantams, a tiny handsome Serama Rooster (he is SO sweet) and a beautiful Serama hen. We also had the exciting adventure of Incubating Eggs--which hatched on June 22nd. We welcomed 3 little Cochin fluff balls~~only ONE of which seems to be a hen. That's how our luck runs with chickens. The roosters will be taken to the Sale Barn eventually....




Somehow ducks have landed here too ;) We have a pair of ButterScotch Call Ducks.. Donald and Daisy. They are not very cuddly but they do like to follow me around the yard, which is cute.



We also added two crazy Nigerian Dwarf doe's. The girls are just about 3 months old right now, and so full of energy and always getting into everything. They are clowns and keep me laughing at all their antics.